Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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