Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
