i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
