tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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