you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
