i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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