I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
