So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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