piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
