nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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