Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
