I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
