Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
