So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just high enough for therapy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
