I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
then he tried to convert me to islam
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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