Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
