If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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