Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
