mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize