Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
