Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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