she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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