I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
