I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
