Just cropdusted the office
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
God gave him joint rollers for hands
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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