the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
