Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
NoShamevember. You game?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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