Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
