Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
