So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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