if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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