how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
