If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
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