Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize