we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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