uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
