Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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