3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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