oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
