how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
