dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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