I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
