Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
