enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
