my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
