that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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