If i come over, it means nothing
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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