its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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