She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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