my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do vagina's smell?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
