I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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