how can u be prego again
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
