You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
