It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
