So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
