i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
