A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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