do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
