The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
